Where Did My Friends Go?

My life is hectic...let's be real here.
Crazy shenanigans have been happening these past couple of months.
For starters, I moved into the Trinity House, which is an all-girls Christian house close to campus.
I love it, I love it, I love it.
I've also been pretty busy with choirs. I absolutely hate one of them though, I just wish it was OVER!

As much as I love Eugene and everyone I met, I really miss Arizona.
Well, at least my family in Arizona. I feel like my friends don't care as much anymore...

I'm not saying that they for sure don't, but I truly know that they don't understand how it feels to move far away and not have your friends tell you they miss you and ask how you are, or the only time they do talk to you and is to rag on you about something you said or call you stupid...yeah, that's appreciative.

Since I've been gone, I have randomly texted or talked to friends and told them I missed them, just because. Has anyone done that for me? A few, but very few. And, to be honest, it brings out a lot of emotions in me, including sad, hurt, angry, and unloved.
Yeah, unloved. Definitely.

Oh, but guess what, it eventually turns around on me, friends telling me I don't let them know how much I miss them. Wait, really? Like, come on, are you that dumb? I tell people I miss them all of the freaking time. But if people don't want to initiate the conversation with me, why should I go out of my way every time, especially if I feel like their feelings are not mutual. Cool story bro, but no thanks.

If my family was not there, I would not go back to Arizona. I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

I just want to watch football and talk sports with my dad. I want to go shopping or a nice walk with my mom. I want to watch movies with my sisters. I want to play video games with my brothers.

But thanks, friends, this is a great feeling to have over the Holiday season...
But to those friends that have reached out and miss me, thank you. I know who you are and I appreciate you everyday...

Love,
Brittany Lauren

All of my Dreams are Coming True

Well folks, it's happening.
I'M IN EUGENE!
Omg, omg, omg, omg, omg, omg!
I never thought this day would come.
But it's here, and I'm loving every minute of it!

During my first official day here, I decided to check out the city and the school I'll be attending for the next 9 months.
I also took the bus, by myself.
So scary, right?
But, I actually enjoyed it. Everything made sense. I knew where I was going and everything.
Also, the ride was BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, trees everywhere, it was so green.
I fell in love, again.

I'm super excited to share with everyone about my adventures and new life.
I'm ready for this new beginning, it's perf<3

Updates will happen!

Love,
Brittany Lauren

The Letter to Everyone

I've literally been staring at this for five minutes, thinking about what I'm trying to say...

I guess I'll just start off by saying that I am nowhere near perfect. I'm not. No one is.
But, for some odd reason, I'm the type of person who tries to make their life so perfect and great.
In reality, my life's a mess, if I'm gonna be honest.
I'm at that point in my life where I think I know what I want, whether it be right now, or in 10 years from now. But do I really know?
Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I'm trying to figure it out along the way. Things could drastically change in a heartbeat.

I mean, this past year alone has changed a lot for me. In a month, I'm moving to a place I only dreamed of living. I'm on the verge of attending the school of my dreams. But of course, change can come in bad forms, too. I've put myself in situations that I wish I could change, or people have put me in positions that are not good for me.
But as much as I wish I could change the bad parts of my life, I don't regret a single minute of it. I don't. I don't regret being mad at the ones who broke my trust. I don't regret trying to forgive them either. I don't regret losing the friends I thought would be around forever. And I don't regret having the time of my life when others see me as obnoxious or annoying. If that's what people want to think, fine. But I will refuse to regret the things that have made me the person I am today.

I've been screwed over a lot this year, I won't lie. And even to this day, I choose to think about it over and over and just break down. I've always believed that I was worthless and didn't deserve anything good in life. But I'm starting to learn that I just can't do that anymore. I can't sit in sorrow forever, wishing things could go my way, or wanting my life to be perfect and drama-free, because we all know drama always exists whether we like it or not. The experiences I have gone through will help me learn to be strong, they'll help me learn not to make the same mistakes again.

Everyone makes mistakes, and boy, do I make a lot of them. Whether it's mistakenly reading a text wrong, or forgetting to put the gas cap on after filling the tank, to bigger things, like thinking one thing when in reality, it's completely not what you had in mind. Those are the mistakes I make the most. They're the mistakes that are the hardest for me to learn. I make these assumptions about something, and then try to act on it. So, of course it feels like a huge slap in the face when it turns out I'm wrong. But I've started to realize that I shouldn't let my mistakes get the best of me, because I'm a wreck if I do. I don't want people to know me as the girl who can't get it together, I wanna be the confident one who doesn't care what people think.

I will be the first to tell admit my lack of self-confidence. I find one little thing about myself, and it becomes a major issue in my head. I'll worry about it constantly, hoping people don't see what I see. I used to be confident, but because of the number of times I've been screwed over, especially this year, has dwindled that down to nothingness. Sure, I try to pull off confidence, but it turns out conceited and cocky, which of course brings it down more. My loss of confidence has also affected a lot of the things I have going for me. I've become scared that I'm not good enough for anything or anyone, so of course, that's what happens. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm trying so hard to get that confidence back, and everyday I try to get closer and closer to it. Yeah, I've had major bumps along the way, and I break down. But I won't let those bumps affect me anymore. From now on, I will keep my head high and move along, because I don't need to cry about nothing.

I am a beautiful person. And I have some of the best family and friends who have helped me realize that. In fact, everyone is beautiful. I have people in my life that I barely know, and I've poured everything out to them, because I know I can trust them. I want people to know that it's okay to be scared, it's okay to worry. But from what I've learned, it's not okay to obsess about it until it's all you think about. I can't guarantee anyone will read this, but if you do, I hope you can learn something. Even I've learned something while writing this, myself. Live the life you want to have, and it change happens, make it work to the best of your ability, because that's all you really can do. Just know that being unperfect makes you, you. <3

Love,
Brittany Lauren

Probs

I wish I could tell the whole world everything.
But sadly, people don't care.
Plus, I'm too afraid to say anything.

I was told by my bestfriend to go see a therapist.
Yeah right...
I'm not gonna tell a complete stranger my problems, and then have them tell me what I'm supposed to do.
I'll make my own choices, thank you very much.

People think I'm this funny, happy person.
You wanna know the truth?
I'm not. I hide everything.
My closest friends don't even know a lot about my life.
I'm too scared I'll get judged or opinions will change about me.

All of this hiding is making me break down though.
I've come to a point where I can't take it anymore.
I just wish there was some way I could feel better about myself.

Let Freedom Ring

Independence Day was A-OKAY!
This year was the first year Gilbert allowed residents to buy and shoot off their own fireworks.
Of course we used that to our fullest advantage. :)

We started on the 3rd of July. My family went over to Ashley's house, where we had pulled pork sandwiches. Yuuuuuum!
It was a sups fun time, watching Lonely Island videos and prancing around.
Then, FIREWORKS.
Unfortunately for me, I stepped on a lit punk. OUCH. It hurt, and it's blistered. Poo.
But it was really fun, we played with sparklers and set off some loud fireworks.

Then, the real day happened.
My best friend, Casey, came over, and we pretty much set off the rest of the fireworks we had.
By the time we finished, her boyfraaaan Jerame got off work and wanted to shoot off more, so he came over and we went and got more. So great.
Unfortunately for me (again), ash from a lit punk fell on my thigh. It hurt, and it's blistered, but the blister popped. Poo.

So, I've come to a conclusion. IHATEPUNKS.

So, Kim is housesitting right now, and I went over.
Then Ashley came over.
Then Casey came over.
Then Stoof came over.
We had a ball.
I love these girls so much, Imma miss them when I leave!
That's all, I'm ouuuuut.

Love,
Brittany Lauren.

Cute Kid.

Lately, I've been obsessed with the following things:

-Home Movies
-Shatter nail polish
-Twitter

Now, if you follow me on Twitter, you have seen the obnoxious amounts of tweets I've posted about the home movies I've been watching. Hey, I can't help it if I was a cute kid. What happened to me now, I don't know...
It's cool seeing myself grow up in front of a camera, it's like I'm a movie star or something.
But I guess I've never realized what I've been given.
Two parents who love me, four siblings that have love-hate relationships with me, pets I wouldn't dream of losing, houses I've called home. It's pretty great.

In other news...

I had a friend pass away a couple days before my birthday. I think her fun-loving and kind spirit has made me realize that I want/need to be a better person. I'm still in the process of trying, but I'm getting better each day.

MY GOLDEN BIRTHDAY. 19 on the 19th (of June, of course). That day also happened to be Father's Day, so naturally I got him the best gift ever:


I mean, how else is he supposed to support my new school??
PS, he's doing "the pose." FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW THE POSE: It's the typical girl pose: Hand on the hip, arm wrapped around the other person, head tilted, propped foot, big smile. Eve's idea. So great.

Umm, that's all I have for now, I'll try harder to update this thing. FAIL.

Love,
Brittany Lauren

The Best Night in a Long Time

So, Friday night can only be summed up in three words.
BEST.NIGHT.EVER.
We got to the venue right before they opened the doors.
However, we realized we were on the wrong side of the arena...Fail.
But we got to the KNIX area, finally.

Casey was the first to play their game, one of those little chambers that blows money around.
She won a pair of upgraded seats.
Then Kim went right before The Band Perry performed.
She won a gift card to Outback.
Fail...I wasn't picked.

So we only had one pair of good seats, and four of us.
We traded off. Kim saw The Band Perry and I saw Luke Bryan.
During Luke, Casey and I noticed that there were two seats that were unoccupied the whole time.
So we were bad and snuck our tickets to Kim and Mommy so they could sneak in and join us.
Bad, I know, but we all got to see Tim McGraw up close, which was ballin'.
I wanna meet him so baaaaaaad.

That's it. I'm gonna be like T. Swift and write songs that are good enough to make it.
I've realized that's what I really want in life.
So, why not try?
And I will, hopefully something comes out of it...

Love,
Brittany Lauren