Sups Cray Cray.

Well, the winter season is here!
....actually it's been here. Whatevs.

I've be really busy lately, and it's keeping me from posting.
Whoopsies.

But during my time away, I've come to realize a few things:

1. I need to be less selfish, and more selfless.
2. I'm SUCH a downer.
3. I push people away by being too obnoxious.
4. Things are not how they used to be, and it makes me sad.
5. Things don't like to work out in my favor, not even once.
6. I let too many people push me around.
7. I'm fearing more than enjoying.

...Basically I feel like one big failure.

Well, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I can't just change my ways overnight.
But I'm sure as hell gonna try, slowly but surely.
I'm tired of feeling like this.
I'm tired of failing, whether it's with people or life in general.
I'm tired of being let down because I like to have conversations a lot.

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change

I live by this quote...

Love,
Brittany Lauren

Black Diamond

Black Diamond, ADPi's formal, was last weekend.
And let me tell you.
I LOVED it :)
And I had the best date ever.
My big, Caitlynn Elizabeth Dosh.
This girl is my best friend up here.
I spent the whole week with her last week
And we never got sick of each other.

We're pretty much stuck like glue. <3
(You know, like that Sugarland song)

We're always together, and we're always there for each other when one of us needs help.

Anyways...enough about her... :)

School's been good, not failing, so I'm happy about it.
I'm just ready for the week to be over.
Why, you may ask?
Because, if things work out, I may get to hear the rest of my bedtime story.
And I would REALLY like to know what happens to the little princess and the mysterious man.

I've been waiting for a week now...I hate cliffhangers!
Lame lame lame.

That's all for now, I have to see what classes of mine are full that I need to take next semester...eww :/
<3
Love,
Brittany Lauren

Taylor Swift

She's kind of a genius.

I've decided my life is like a Taylor Swift song.
It makes me wanna call her up and say
"Hey Tay, write me a song yo!"
Except that won't happen. Oh well.

Looooving NAU
It still hasn't snowed yet, which upsets me a wee bit.
But it's nice and cool, which is a big change from back home.
And I mean BIG.

I haven't been feeling good lately.
I don't know what's wrong with me!
My stomach feels weird, I hurt everywhere,
But yet I still manage to go out and do stuff.
Weird.

ADPi is going really well!
I loooove my big, Caitlynn.
She's pretty much my best friend up here.
I don't know what or where I would be without her.
We basically do everything together.
There isn't a day we don't talk to each other.

Umm...but I think that's it for now.
Just counting down the days until Thanksgiving <3

Love,
Brittany Lauren.

Week Two

Week two of the college life is done.
Scoree.

It was a good week too.
I rushed this weekend, and I got into Alpha Delta Pi!!
YAAAAY!
I'm so excited. We went bowling with TKE on Wednesday, and that was loads of fun. I loved it.
Being in ADPi also means I'm in the same sorority as Ashley! Except she's all the way in UofA.
Oh well!
Tomorrow we have a picnic, and hopefully I'll find my potential big! :)

Tonight was also casino night, and I found out I would be good at Blackjack.
Then again, the dealer kept giving me free chips.
I guess he just likes me.
Just kidding. He did it for everyone.

My roommate's out for the night, so I've got the room all to myself.
Awesomeeeeee.

But for now, it's bedtime.
That's all! :)

Love,
Brittany Lauren

Week One.

Wow. What a week.
I just love college.

Five hour breaks between classes.
Skype dates galore.
New friends.
Seeing old friends.
No one telling you what to do.

This is the life.

I've also decided to rush!!
I'm so freaking excited.
Our first night was last night, and it was so much fun.
I really think I would like being in a sorority.
I've already got a few in mind, but it's only the second day, so I'm still open to all of them so far!
I'll def. be posting how it goes.

I guess that's all for now.
Can't wait for another week at collegeeeee.

Love,
Brittany Lauren

The Fresh Life.

Well, it's finally happening.

I'm officially moved in!!
That's right. I'm sitting in my dorm. Right now. Typing this.

It's pretty amazing.

I love my roommate, we're getting along so well.
And I've seen some of my friends already, so that's good.
I am having an internet problem though.
Facebook won't let me do anything.

This makes me sad.
I can pretty much do everything else but Facebook.
And I've been trying to solve this problem for the past hour now.
And I still haven't gotten anything.
I'm almost ready to give up for the night.
Boo Facebook, you anger me.
But my roommate's Facebook works.
So, WTF.

But that's all for now.
More dorm stories to come!!
I love the Fresh Life<3

Love,
Brittany Lauren

Last Weekend

This weekend was the last weekend I'll be home for a month of so.
Four more sleeps, and I'm headin' up to NAU.
There is just one thing I'm worried about.

As all my friends leave for college, I've been telling them good luck and tell me all about it.
But as my time comes nearer, I feel like that won't happen to me.
I feel like people are going to forget because they're so busy with their new college lives, that they're not gonna have the time to tell me good luck and best wishes.
I think that scares me the most about leaving.

I'm one of those people who need encouragement to accomplish something. Not a lot of it, just enough to know that someone believes in me and they know I can do a good job. Without it, I feel like a failure in progress. And that never turns out good.

I really hope I get the encouragement I need and deserve. If I don't, it would seem to me that people don't care about me as much as I care about them...

Four more days, can't wait!

Love,
Brittany Lauren

As I Thought Everything Was Going So Well...

Not even a song can describe my feelings right now.
You know how you can be having a totally good day, then one little thing can just ruin it all.
Well, welcome to my life.

Today was a good day. Got more dorm things, bought some Toy Story Mac and Cheese, you know, the good things.
Well, suppertime came along, and I heard the things I begged him never to say again.
"You're getting fat, lose some weight." and "You better be hitting up the gym a lot at NAU."

Yes, my father pretty much calls me fat on a regular basis.
Even when I tell him to stop, he keeps rambling on, discussing my weight.

It's not like I go around they house and say "HEY DAD. Stop being an alcoholic. Stop smoking. Just stop!"
No, I'm the only person in the family that will stand by his side if people blow up at him.
And this is the thanks I get? Awesome.

I've never been more ready to leave than after tonight. Right now, my family is the last thing I wanna be with right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love them, but I'm getting sick and tired of how I'm being treated, especially when I'm leaving soon.
I should be hearing things like "I'm gonna miss you" or "I don't want you to go."
Instead I'm hearing "I'm not gonna miss you" and "Just leave now, no one wants you here."

That's right, not even my family wants me around...well this is just great.
Only 11 more days, then I'm gone. Then they'll be happy...

Love,
Brittany Lauren

The Weird Feeling

Lately, I've been having a weird feeling, and I don't even know how to describe it.
It's a mood where I wanna just lay down and relax, but at the same time go out and do something.
But mainly, I just wanna cry. Honestly.
Like, right now, for instance. I feel unwanted. I feel as if I don't belong in my group of friends.
They always seem to go out and do fun things together, and I'm either not invited but know about it, or I don't know about it at all until after the fact. And when they say "We're gonna be best friends forever," I sorta don't believe it, because I feel like I haven't seen actual proof of it yet.
I'm tired of being the one everyone has to poke fun at. I'm tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. And I'm tired of getting weird looks from people while saying, "Okay Brittany" every time something comes out of my mouth.
Has it ever occurred to people that I may be serious? That not everything I say may be funny?
For once, I would like to have a conversation with someone who didn't laugh at everything I say. I would like not to be the dumb one in the group all the time. Basically, I would just like to have someone there for me. Not because they feel like they have to, but because they want to.
It's not like I wanna lose anyone, I just want some respect or something. I wanna feel...appreciated. And wanted. And needed.
But I just don't feel like I am. I'm sure I am with some people, but they do a poor job showing it if that's the case.

This weird feeling is just taking a toll on me. Anything that comes to my head is basically shoved out with a "what's the point" behind it. There's really nothing I can do.

Anyway, about my life.
-Talked to my sister Tuesday. Yay.
-Ran around a lot yesterday.
-Got into a fight with my male BFF. Still haven't talked to him.
-Almost done packing!
-Already accomplished something on my Freshman must do list.
-Got more dorm stuff.
-Got my mail box and PO box!

That's about it. My life is dumb. The end.

Love,
Brittany Lauren

College Life: Freshman Year Must Do List

In no particular order:

1. Play in the snow.
2. Learn to snowboard.
3. Workout everyday.
4. Hangout with Courtney Ridgley at least five times before she graduates.
5. Make at least ten new friends, if not more.
6. Apply for SSP staff.
7. Find a way to get back to NAU after the Carrie Underwood concert.
8. Get a job.
9. FINALLY get my butt to Eugene to visit Heather.
10. Get into a sorority
11. Meet a boy.
12. Make a new best friend.
13. Get Heather to get her butt to NAU to play in the snow with me.
14. Dates with the Gilbert girls.
15. Get Laney to come to NAU.
16. Not lose touch with any of my old friends.
17. ZUMBA.
18. Finally get to making Heather a new bracelet.
19. Not fail anything.
20. Make this the best first year of college EVER. :)

Keep coming back to this post, as the things that are accomplished will be crossed off :)
Love,
Brittany Lauren

July. What a month.

To me, it seems like the days went by super fast, but it feels like events such as SSP were longer than just a month ago. I don't even know where to begin in this crazy month.
July 2nd was our big day, SSP! We went to the airport at about noon, ate lunch, and made our way to San Francisco. Maddie, Ashley, and I wore flowers in our hair, the only way to go to SanFran. When we got there, the McClain family met us, and we sat around while we waited for our enormous grey van, like so.

Me. Waiting to go and sleep.


The graduates, the Gilbert girls.


The whole gang!

The van FINALLY came and we were on our way, out of our way, actually, to Monterey for a Christian festival. We stayed at a cabin in Aptos, CA, we like to call it "the creepy Grandma house." And boy, was it creepy. It had so many stairs, a windy staircase, and it just smelled and looked like a place where a Grandma would live. Finally, we got some sleep, and prepared ourselves for the next morning.
Saturday, we headed to the Mazda Speedway to Spirit West Coast, that was something. We honestly didn't want to be there, so we went to the Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey. There were so many seals!!!

They were so silly! They're piling on top of each other, and making weird noises. We loved those seals.
Sunday, we finally head up to Loleta for SSP! We were a little late, but we weren't the last, luckily. I can honestly say that week made my day, if not my life. I had the best work group anyone can ask for. THUG LIFE!
I'm truly blessed to now have these people in my life. I love each and everyone of them! :)
Although my last year was a sad one, I looooved the staff. They made the week so much fun! These people made me happy everyday.
And as the week came to a close, I got myself ready to be an SIT at the Zona site. That staff was lovely as well! I couldn't imagine being on staff with anyone else for a week. These people made me apart of their family, and I felt like I fit in, which is a major plus. It was fun getting to know the campers too, I'm really glad I got to learn all of their names. I have a feeling I'll be ready to take on staff next year! I also got the three best pieces of mail. Ever. One was from one of my best friends, Stephanie. She was going to send me puppy chow, but didn't. But I did get a nice letter which made me smile. I also got a letter from another one of my best friends, Maddie. In it was a lovely letter, and a Dove chocolate inspirational wrapper, which was perfect for the service I was doing. The last piece of mail was from my older sister/best friend Heather, and I'm pretty sure it's my fav. She sent me a burned CD full of NSYNC Christmas! YAAAY! I've been listening to it everyday. I love it. Mail makes me happy.

Downsides, I've never been more than ready to move out in my entire life. Struggles with my family, I just need to get out. Only 19 more days, and I start the college life. Yip yip!

Well, that's all for now. More soon :)

Love,
Brittany Lauren

SSP

I just realized that it's 12:30 AM. I guess I'll be getting my recommended eight hours of sleep. Oh well...
I'm really excited. Why, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you why!
I'm going to SSP on Friday!!!
And not you may be thinking..."uhh...what is SSP?"

Sierra Service Project (SSP) is an organization (mainly in the Methodist faith, but everyone from different religions come) that help people in need around the Sierra Mountain area. There are 5 or 6 different sites, mainly rural Indian reservations and one urban LA site. Each site is run by a group of staff members who welcome campers with warmth and embrace. For six weeks, different church youth groups come and work, which includes fixing roofs, building wheelchair ramps, and even painting a house. Throughout the week, there are little devotionals and time to spend with your church as well as the friends you make along the way. It is a great experience that I am blessed to go on for the fifth year in a row.

The organization was originally for high schoolers, but the past couple of years they've been adding jr. high sites, which I wish they did when I was that age. I would have definitely gone.

I've attended this for the past five years, starting the summer before Freshmen year. And since it's high schoolers only, this year is my fifth and final year, which I'm kinda bummed about, because each experience has been so great.

This year, we are heading up to Loleta, California (North of San Francisco) to the Indian Reservation. I really don't know what to expect, because the only sites we've ever been to was the Navajo Nation in Northern Arizona and LA, so this is a new experience for all of us, and we're really excited.

As I mentioned before, it'll be my last year. Luckily, that means I can join staff!! So, a week after I come home, I will be heading back to SSP, only this time to Northern Arizona, where I'll be a staffer in training with the greatest site director, Nate. He's been my site director my two times in LA and I'm excited to have him again for the third time. And, since we already know each other, it's gonna be easier to open up, I think, since I'm generally a shy person.

There's gonna be so much to learn, like what I'm gonna do, which could be a cook, construction coordinator, or a spiritual leader coordinator. So many options, I just don't know what to do!! Luckily, that week will be how I figure that stuff out.

I'm really excited for the next couple of weeks, and I'll be sure to post anything and everything that happens!!
As for now, it's time for bed.
Good night all :)

Love,
Brittany Lauren

New year, new me.

Okay, so you may be thinking, "What is she talking about, it's not a new year." WRONG! It is. Because I'm a whole year older.
That's right, I just had my birthday. The big 18 to be exact!
So many things have happened so for such as...
I got a tattoo!!
It's really cute, right?
I got it the day after my birthday, so, on Father's Day.
SHOUT OUT TO PAUL! (The tattoo guy)
He did such and AMAZING job, I'm seriously in love with it.
I also went an saw Toy Story 3.
I find it kind of fitting that Disney/Pixar would make that movie now.
Because....
1. Andy's all grown up/I'm all grown up
2. Andy's leaving for college/I'm leaving for college.

Weird, huh?
Toy Story was also one of my absolute favorite movies growing up as a kid.
I always walked around with my little Woody everywhere I went, and I would watch the movies at least five times a day.
Enough of this...

Also on my birthday, I got a MacBook!! SCORE!
Well, I technically didn't get it on my birthday, I got it the day before.

You see, I went to orientation for the school I'm going to in the fall. NAU :)
And they had this Apple Store in their bookstore (WHAT?!?!) with a pretty awesome discount.
Their $100 cheaper than in regular stores, and they're also doing the free iTouch with a purchase.
But here's the best part...
You buy a MacBook, and if you buy the protection plan with it, you get an HP all-in-one printer...FOR A PENNY
Talk about a good deal man!!
And my first, my parents were totally against getting a MacBook, because they're sooo expensive, even though I would be paying for half of it.
As soon as they heard about this deal, they were all for it!
So now, here I am, typing away...

I really don't know what else to say...except that I'm so excited for this next year.
Okay, bye!

Love,
Brittany Lauren

Wooooow

Shame on me....I haven't written a post since march?! Well, my life has been a little hectic...
Our concert choir went on tour to Vegas in April. Sooo much fun. And we did really well.
However, I recieved a concussion on that trip.
Holy crap.
They hurt like a B. You don't even wanna know how it happened. It's kinda sad actually.
Luckily it was toward the end of the trip, so I wasn't suffering all weekend.
After tour was all state. Top 200 singer in Arizona, and I happened to be one of them! Our director was absolutely amazing, the best one ever. Our songs were beautiful.
And after all state, prom... We won't discuss this.

And the biggie: GRADUATION

yes yes, I am now a high school grad. Go me! I'm really excited to head out on my own, experience new things, and make new friends.
I'm ready for college, but is it ready for me? :)

I've decided to major in business with a minor in public relations.
I want to be a publisist for someone famous or own a general PR firm.
I plan on moving to nashville, TN with my bestie after college so we can start fresh, where no one knows who we are. Which can be a good thing no doubt.

I'm so excited for what life and the future has in store for me, and I hope sone of my wildest dreams come true.
That's all for now. It's bedtime.

Love
Brittany Lauren

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What a weekend

Have I ever mentioned that I love Amanda and Megan so much???
Those girls always make my day.
We had a girls night Friday, and we decided to go see the play our school put on because it's apparently the beat one ever.
Whoever said that was over exagerating.
It was supposed to be a comedy, but only two or three people were actually funny.
Whatever.

After the play, we went to get food at safeway and ran into amanda's parents. Crazy.
Then we got a movie and wendy's and went home.
The next morning we decided to play the wii, but Megan had to go.
So Amanda and I went to the water tower to go play in the water, but sadly, it wasn't on.
So we made smoothies and watched toy story instead.

Sunday, oh boy.
I realized I lost two friends I never thought i'd lose a few years ago. Until this year, I thought we were gonna be friends forever.
Guess that didn't work out.
Once you talk about my family, you can pretty much guarentee I will never forgive you.
And that's what happened.

Good thing I had him on the phone with me for 3.5 hours last night.
Or else my night would've been absolutely horrible.
He knows how to put a smile on my face :)

I hear sleep calling my name.
I'd rather not go to bed at 1:30 again on a school night.
But it was worth it :)
I'm out.

Love,
Brittany Lauren

formspring.me

http://formspring.me/brittanybabayyy

Choir choir choir

It's taking over my life. It's sooo crazy. I've missed class so much this semester. Hahaha oh well
advanced vocal has gone to two jr highs and performed for them to get them so sign up for choir next year. Hopefully they do!
And we're doing an exchange with a California school tomorrow. I think it'll be really fun! But I'll probably have to miss more class haha

I've been doing other things too. For instance, the boy area has been reaally good to me :)
enough about that haha

Amanda, Megan, Kylie, and I are singing the national anthem for a kindergarten thing in a bit.

That's it for now. More later
love, Brittany Lauren

NAU jazz/mad

Jazz/mad = THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE.
well, maybe not the best time ever, but pretty close!

Waking up at 4:15 in the morning to be at the buses by 5:30??
Oh dear, not what I wanted to do.
Although the bus ride was so fun. Snacks, music, and crazy Adam. It was kinda bomb.

We finally get there, and we have to change into our outfits, and our directors decided to have a long warm-up. Which is fine, but it was way to long. After the long warmup, we go to our actual warmup. Joy. But we sounded good, so it was alright. Then we performed and whatnot. And we were good.
Then we watched our rival, who we're also friends with....crazy.
But they were good too
and then we watched other schools we knew, and Amanda and I got to see our next boyfriend(s). Hahaha
we also saw both NAU vocal jazz choirs, and they're outstanding. I loved them.
And we saw the shrine of the ages choir. Oh man. Their voices are angelic.
The final group we saw was take 6. Best vocal jazz group I've ever seen. I also hit their autographs. Perfect!

I also had my school of music audition that Saturday. I won't find out til about a month or so, but I'll definitely be posting results.
Well that's it for now. Other things coming up. I'll be posting soon.

Love,
Brittany Lauren

:) :) :)

I was right. Today was a pretty eventful day.
I had my first major stock market test, and I actually knew the majority of the answers. Hallelujah!
Also, advanced vocal sang for concert choir today. We were pretty good and it got us really excited for NAU tomorrow.
Uh oh. It's 10:30, and I have to be up at 4:00 am. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?
I mean, who in their right mind would actually want to wake up that early? It's just waaaaay too early for my liking.
So, I guess that means I should probably go to sleep. That's managable, good thing I didn't take a nap today. J probably would've been screwed. So I guess this is it for now. Hopefully I'll have Internet connection while I'm up there, so I can spill everything that happens tomorrow.
Love,
Brittany Lauren

Well...day one.

Well...my first blog. Call me crazy, but I think I'll like it. Good thing I have things to day about day one.

Today was good. In advanced vocal, we got ready for our jazz/mad festival up at NAU in two days. I'm pretty much super excited about that, since:
1) I get to play in snow
2) I get to spend time with the best people ever (minus a few cocky douches)
3) all the food we wanna eat
4) making valetines in our room and handing them out at 2:30 in the morning

needless to say, I'm pretty stoked. :)

also, we had review for stock market, and I will be recieving 21 extra credit points. Go me.
English is killing me. Paper after paper, how in the world am I gonna do that? I'll figure it out somehow.
The second round of Hollywood week on American Idol is on tonight, which means more Ellen. I think I could get used to that. I loooove her. I wish I could meet her.

Well, that's pretty much it for day one. Hopefully, there will plenty more fun filled activities on day two
goodbye, blog world.
Love, Brittany Lauren