The Letter to Everyone

I've literally been staring at this for five minutes, thinking about what I'm trying to say...

I guess I'll just start off by saying that I am nowhere near perfect. I'm not. No one is.
But, for some odd reason, I'm the type of person who tries to make their life so perfect and great.
In reality, my life's a mess, if I'm gonna be honest.
I'm at that point in my life where I think I know what I want, whether it be right now, or in 10 years from now. But do I really know?
Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I'm trying to figure it out along the way. Things could drastically change in a heartbeat.

I mean, this past year alone has changed a lot for me. In a month, I'm moving to a place I only dreamed of living. I'm on the verge of attending the school of my dreams. But of course, change can come in bad forms, too. I've put myself in situations that I wish I could change, or people have put me in positions that are not good for me.
But as much as I wish I could change the bad parts of my life, I don't regret a single minute of it. I don't. I don't regret being mad at the ones who broke my trust. I don't regret trying to forgive them either. I don't regret losing the friends I thought would be around forever. And I don't regret having the time of my life when others see me as obnoxious or annoying. If that's what people want to think, fine. But I will refuse to regret the things that have made me the person I am today.

I've been screwed over a lot this year, I won't lie. And even to this day, I choose to think about it over and over and just break down. I've always believed that I was worthless and didn't deserve anything good in life. But I'm starting to learn that I just can't do that anymore. I can't sit in sorrow forever, wishing things could go my way, or wanting my life to be perfect and drama-free, because we all know drama always exists whether we like it or not. The experiences I have gone through will help me learn to be strong, they'll help me learn not to make the same mistakes again.

Everyone makes mistakes, and boy, do I make a lot of them. Whether it's mistakenly reading a text wrong, or forgetting to put the gas cap on after filling the tank, to bigger things, like thinking one thing when in reality, it's completely not what you had in mind. Those are the mistakes I make the most. They're the mistakes that are the hardest for me to learn. I make these assumptions about something, and then try to act on it. So, of course it feels like a huge slap in the face when it turns out I'm wrong. But I've started to realize that I shouldn't let my mistakes get the best of me, because I'm a wreck if I do. I don't want people to know me as the girl who can't get it together, I wanna be the confident one who doesn't care what people think.

I will be the first to tell admit my lack of self-confidence. I find one little thing about myself, and it becomes a major issue in my head. I'll worry about it constantly, hoping people don't see what I see. I used to be confident, but because of the number of times I've been screwed over, especially this year, has dwindled that down to nothingness. Sure, I try to pull off confidence, but it turns out conceited and cocky, which of course brings it down more. My loss of confidence has also affected a lot of the things I have going for me. I've become scared that I'm not good enough for anything or anyone, so of course, that's what happens. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm trying so hard to get that confidence back, and everyday I try to get closer and closer to it. Yeah, I've had major bumps along the way, and I break down. But I won't let those bumps affect me anymore. From now on, I will keep my head high and move along, because I don't need to cry about nothing.

I am a beautiful person. And I have some of the best family and friends who have helped me realize that. In fact, everyone is beautiful. I have people in my life that I barely know, and I've poured everything out to them, because I know I can trust them. I want people to know that it's okay to be scared, it's okay to worry. But from what I've learned, it's not okay to obsess about it until it's all you think about. I can't guarantee anyone will read this, but if you do, I hope you can learn something. Even I've learned something while writing this, myself. Live the life you want to have, and it change happens, make it work to the best of your ability, because that's all you really can do. Just know that being unperfect makes you, you. <3

Love,
Brittany Lauren