The Weird Feeling

Lately, I've been having a weird feeling, and I don't even know how to describe it.
It's a mood where I wanna just lay down and relax, but at the same time go out and do something.
But mainly, I just wanna cry. Honestly.
Like, right now, for instance. I feel unwanted. I feel as if I don't belong in my group of friends.
They always seem to go out and do fun things together, and I'm either not invited but know about it, or I don't know about it at all until after the fact. And when they say "We're gonna be best friends forever," I sorta don't believe it, because I feel like I haven't seen actual proof of it yet.
I'm tired of being the one everyone has to poke fun at. I'm tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. And I'm tired of getting weird looks from people while saying, "Okay Brittany" every time something comes out of my mouth.
Has it ever occurred to people that I may be serious? That not everything I say may be funny?
For once, I would like to have a conversation with someone who didn't laugh at everything I say. I would like not to be the dumb one in the group all the time. Basically, I would just like to have someone there for me. Not because they feel like they have to, but because they want to.
It's not like I wanna lose anyone, I just want some respect or something. I wanna feel...appreciated. And wanted. And needed.
But I just don't feel like I am. I'm sure I am with some people, but they do a poor job showing it if that's the case.

This weird feeling is just taking a toll on me. Anything that comes to my head is basically shoved out with a "what's the point" behind it. There's really nothing I can do.

Anyway, about my life.
-Talked to my sister Tuesday. Yay.
-Ran around a lot yesterday.
-Got into a fight with my male BFF. Still haven't talked to him.
-Almost done packing!
-Already accomplished something on my Freshman must do list.
-Got more dorm stuff.
-Got my mail box and PO box!

That's about it. My life is dumb. The end.

Love,
Brittany Lauren